What? It's only been 3.5 YEARS.

Maybe I'll make a come back in my blogger ways.

Eliza is gorgeous and hilarious and amazing in almost every way. But she's three so attitude and whining is also amazing. Just not the same kind of amazing.

I had another kid! Like a year and a half ago. Isaac is so fun and handsome. He cracks me up. He is also adventurous and into everything but shy and sensitive and sweet. I'll post lots of pictures. He's so blonde!

Kevin and I are doing well. We got sealed in the temple this past fall. So now we're stuck with each other for eternity. Kevin is about halfway done with school. He has his AA in English and Communications. He currently works from home doing social media marketing and some general marketing stuff for an insurance company. I'm still with my old firm. I love it there.

With that said, we most likely will be moving back to Utah soon. Kevin is going to start looking next month after his 5K (yeah he's running a 5K!) and then he'll move out there when they need him. I'll follow shortly after. He will find a house or apartment for us and we can save up a bit. Hopefully it won't be more than a month or two. I'm going to miss everyone so much but I know this is what we are supposed to do for our family.

I think for now that's a good little catch up and I'll fill in the big gap later.

Mastitis: Warning! Sick woman stuff in post. Do not read if you don't want to hear about breastfeeding and such.

For any of you who wouldn't know what this is (and I wouldn't blame you) its an infection that a woman can get in her breasts. It usually only happens to lactating women. Lucky me, I got it.
I started feeling really cranky and rundown last night. I just assumed it was sleep deprivation. That is a big thing in my life right now. Well fast forward to about nine or ten and I start feeling awful. My breast is feeling like I might have a clogged duct. Its hard and painful.
Then I start feeling cold. Like really cold. Now the one thing you should know about me is that I suffer in a very warm house. Well warm to me. We have the AC set at 70 and I still feel hot. So the fact that I was cold was a huge deal.
I take my temperature and its 100 degrees. So its not a super high fever but it is a fever. I knew at that point that I had mastitis. I did all the tricks to relieve some of the pain and discomfort of my breast and I tried to get some sleep. That really didn't work. I was miserable. I checked my temp again and the fever had shot up to 101.7.
Kevin was so worried. We really had no clue whether or not I could still nurse Eliza. I knew that I wanted to though because she would essentially drain me. Literally. Which is a good thing. The question was could I nurse and she would be fine or would I have to pump and dump all of that milk? Breastmilk is like liquid GOLD. No one likes to dump any out. Even spilling some is awful and frustrating. Its not like we produce gallons of the stuff. We produce ounces at a time. Mere ounces.
Imagine my relief when I found out I could still nurse! I took some Tylenol as well and before too long my fever broke. So things were looking up. This morning I called my doctor's office and they called in a prescription for an antibiotic. Hopefully it kicks in really quick.
I'm still feeling run down and very tired. My body still aches and I don't want anything touching my breasts. Too bad I don't have that option. Eliza has no idea that anything is wrong obviously and she's just a champion feeder like always so its pretty painful to nurse right now but it helps so I'm ok with it. Or at least I'm trying to be.


Update on Eliza. She's amazing. She's so much fun. She's more alert and she is just smiling up a storm. I love it. She is awake and happy from about 7 to 9 in the morning and its our play time. I sing and tell stories. I know she doesn't really understand anything that I'm saying but we have fun. I found a great website to help with this time. It has over 2000 nursery rhymes and children's songs. I was really lacking in the memory department. My mom always seems to have this plethora of songs and nursery rhymes and I was feeling quite inadequate when I pulled from the three songs I knew. The website is www.bussongs.com if anyone is interested.
I think the most shocking realization is how many of these songs and nursery rhymes are really dark and depressing. I had heard that in the past but to see the lyrics and put the story together is really disturbing. I'm glad kids just don't comprehend the real story in these songs and rhymes.
That's about it for now. I want a nap. Oh but I'll show you the adorable smile my daughter rocks. Its hard to capture on camera so her hand is in the way a bit but you can still see it. Enjoy! I know I do.

One month old already!

Say what? That's ridiculous. We've had a great month. Little miss Eliza is growing like a weed and keeps me entertained endlessly. I can just stare at her for hours. I don't though. That might come across creepy later in life.
I can just see it now. "Eliza, I used to just stare at you for hours."
Teenage Eliza looks at me like I have crazy pants on and then calls her friends on her holographic phone and says, "Ugh my mom is so creepy and weird. She is so embarrassing."
Heck yes I am! She just doesn't know it yet. I can't wait until the day I get to kiss her goodbye in public. Use saliva to wipe her face and so forth. Ha ha! It's going to rock.
Ok so for some real stuff. Had Eliza's one week appointment she was only 6lbs 1oz so we had to go in the following week. Thankfully she was 6lbs 5oz so she was doing great. I took her in today for some acid reflux issues and she weighed a hefty 7lbs 10.5oz! That is more than an ounce a day on average. The doctor was VERY pleased. She said she is obviously getting plenty of food. Also, her reflux isn't very bad so there isn't much we need to do. Which is also good news.
I'm going back to work on June 14. I am really looking forward to working again but at the same time I don't want to leave my baby. I know she'll be fine I will miss her so much. I don't want to miss any milestones. Another thing about going back to work is that I really want to breastfeed for awhile. I don't want my supply to tank because I will be pumping instead of nursing. Because of that my goal right now is 3 months. I hope to make it until at least 6-9 months. I know she would be fine on formula but I really want to do this.
That's it for now! I'll try to post more often. She changes so much everyday that a month going by is a long time. Until next time I hope you enjoy the pics.

Monkey toes!

First bath. She was not happy. She still doesn't like them.

That ceiling fan is super exciting!

She's just that cute!

How is that comfortable?

I totally had a baby!

So Friday afternoon Kevin and I decided to get buffalo wings with a friend for lunch and walk the mall. Spicy foods and walking to induce labor. I didn't think these things would actually work! But they did!
I started having horrible painful beyond anything I had ever felt in my life contractions that night at about 4. This is after days of contractions and early labor. I had gone to the hospital on the 17th and the 20th. Of course I got sent home. The contractions those days weren't doing enough to justify keeping me in the hospital. But these new contractions were coming every 3.5 to 5.5 minutes and had me sobbing. I kind of knew this was something else. It had to be it. So I made Kevin take me to the hospital. Of course as we are packing everything up the tornado sirens go off. We live in St. Louis. The hospital that we were going to was about 10 minutes from the airport. Perfect timing no? So we get to the hospital without getting blown off the road and walk in and I'm totally drenched from the storm. I SO didn't care what I looked like.
We get up to L&D and they check me and there had been NO progress. I just about lost it. How could there be no progress? That's ridiculous! But thankfully my doctor was the one on call and so she said to hook me up and monitor my progress and set me up with an IV and the antibiotics for the group B strep infection I had. This is about 8. At midnight they check me again and still no progress. They had me there for the night anyway so I asked for an IV drug. They gave me Stadol and that really helped me relax and get to sleep. At 2 I'm feeling totally loopy and out of it but I asked Kevin to help me use the restroom. As he's unhooking the monitors I sat up and "peed" the bed. I was so embarrassed! I call the nurse and let her know but I still felt the need to use the restroom so I get to the bathroom and the nurse comes in and asked did you pee or did you rupture. In my loopy mind I was convinced I just peed. So I told her that and then she said, "nope that's a rupture. You have to get back in bed NOW." They worry about cord accidents once that happens so I wasn't allowed to get up again. One of the nurses I had seen just days before was there and in my loopy drug induced state I said, "I get to stay!" She just laughed at me.
They checked me at that point and I had FINALLY progressed from a 2 to a whopping 3cm. But it was a change and a water break so I knew I was going to have my baby! They gave me more Stadol when I was allowed and I was able to go back to sleep. At 6:30 or 7 I was started on pitocin because there was meconium in the fluid and I was still at a 3. I asked for the epi at that point and I was able to get back to sleep at about 8:30.
At 11:30 or 11:45 I told the nurse that I was feeling a LOT of pressure. She checked and I was at a 9! At noon she checked again and I was complete. They called the doctor to come back and she got there at 1. I pushed for 15 minutes and little Elizabeth was born!
I have a 2nd degree tear and 3 stitches. My back really hurts from the bruising the epi inflicts but other than that I feel really good! The nurse said I'm healing really well and I've only had to take ibuprofen twice. It definitely could have been worse.
Elizabeth is fantastic! She weighed in at 6lbs 2oz and 19in long. She has quite the set of lungs on her. Even the doctor and nurses were talking about how vocal she was. She was not a happy baby to be born. She scored great on her AGPAR and she hasn't left my side at all. We have been able to keep her with us at all times. So far she doesn't have any signs of jaundice which was a concern given her gestational age. Almost 2 weeks early. She's fed several times and although its painful to me I'm trying to get the hang of it. She has had a few moments of forgetfulness of what she's supposed to do when she gets latched but she's getting better with every consecutive feeding. I have a great nurse who is also and lactation consultant. This little girl's such a trooper. She had a rough day yesterday so I can't blame her for being a bit forgetful sometimes.
That's about it for now. I'll update more when we get to take her home tomorrow. I can't believe that just a little over 24 hours ago this perfect little angel was living inside of me. I'm so truly blessed to have this girl as my daughter and to have such an amazing man for my husband and her daddy. She's a great Easter present. Just one more thing to be thankful for on this day. The Lord really loves me and I'm so thankful for all of the blessings He has given to me.
Now for your viewing pleasure, Ms. Elizabeth Josephine Jokela.

Today was my original due date

Do you guys remember these posts? #1 #2 and #3? Well today was my original due date. At six weeks along I lost the baby. Today was the day my baby would have been due.
I didn't know how I would handle the miscarriage. Its not something that a woman gets over. Not really. I fell in love with that baby the first time I saw that second line on a pregnancy test. It does get easier but its still a loss. I still cry once in awhile about that baby. I had a breakdown at Babies R Us while I was registering. I met a woman whose daughter was pregnant and due in March. I then turned a corner and saw little newborn outfits for St. Patty's day babies. I just lost it. The loss is very real and very hard to get over.
On the one hand I miss that baby terribly but on the other hand I am so fortunate to be pregnant now with our little Elizabeth. We are truly blessed to have this child.
That miscarriage in a way was a blessing. It made my relationship with Kevin so much stronger. He is truly my rock. He was there for me to cry on. He was understanding and sweet. I know he felt the loss as well. It was hard on both of us. I didn't want that trial in my life but I was able to grow from it and learn so much about myself, Kevin and our life together as a couple. That's a blessing.
I know things happen for a reason. God has a plan. He gives us trials and struggles so we can grow and become stronger. I know that without a shadow of a doubt. He loves me. He loves my family and he has blessed us with the opportunity to expand that family. I'm thankful for that.
Today is a bittersweet day.

Dear non-pregnant person

I have no idea who wrote this but I love it. I'm just thankful I don't have to hand these out to everyone I know. Maybe just a few of the paragraphs to some people:

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice:

1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.

6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.

7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.

8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World

General update

I went to the doctor last week and she said I no longer have to be on bedrest! So exciting. The contractions have stopped so she didn't feel like just the one risk factor (position of baby) was enough for bedrest. She did say I have to take it easy but its so much better than bedrest. I can do stuff again!
We painted the nursery this past weekend and the room looks great. Its a really pretty yellow color. I found some great vinyl wall decals that I would love to use but they are so expensive I've decided to paint a mural instead. Hopefully it looks as good. Its going to be a tree with some cherry blossoms drifting in the wind in pink, blue and purple. There will be one or two birds perched in the tree as well. It should be really cute.
We bought the fabric for the curtains and cribskirt. I also bought some extra of that fabric for a quilt. If I had gotten those three pieces by themselves I would have spent so much more money. I love being crafty. I got the pattern for the nursery pieces on sale for 99 cents. Its usually 16.95! I was also able to get all the main fabric on sale. Some of the other fabric for the quilt was also on sale so we ended up saving about 40 dollars on the materials. What a steal! While I was on bedrest I started working on a blanket I bought yarn for back in October. Its turning out great and I'm already more than halfway done. With only eight weeks left I've got to get crackin' on this stuff.
The general theme of the nursery is really just a soft, feminine spring. I want it to be bright and sunny all year round like you are walking into a garden. Other than that I really don't have a theme. Flowers and birds I suppose. People have asked what the theme is and I really don't have much of an answer. Its hard to explain. Do I just say its a garden? That's a little odd in my opinion.
I'm going to post pictures of the room so far and the fabric. Hopefully I can pull it all together soon. The first pic is the wall color. It looks a little dark here but you get the general idea. The second is the fabric. I love it. Its just so pretty. The last picture is the general mural idea. I wish I could afford to get a vinyl decal but I can't. It looks great though so if anyone is interested I'll give you the link to the etsy shop.

General idea for the mural. Thank you to Etsy. I wish I could afford it.