I'm starting to get my life back

Its been a really hard week. I haven't really left the house at all. Geez that just seems pathetic as I'm writing it. I didn't do anything at all productive. K hasn't complained at all. He says I have an excuse. I can see where's he's coming from but it's made me feel like a bad wife. A lazy bum really. So yesterday I finally just did something. It wasn't a lot. Just a load of dishes but it was a start. Then I made dinner. That made me feel better. Today when I woke up I did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen and picked up the bedroom. Its the beginning of my road back from this awful thing that happened to us. I'm still really upset and heartbroken. I miss my baby but life needs to go on and living in a clean house is going to make that a little easier.

Yesterday was a rollercoaster

I started bleeding and cramping yesterday. I've lost the baby. K and I are devastated. I know in my head that sometimes this is for the best but it hurts in my heart so much. I didn't think I could love something for only a week as much as I loved this child. There aren't really words to express the heartbreak. I never understood the loss when people said they miscarried. I was always sad for them but until you experience it yourself you can't fully understand. We will try again in a few months.

So much can happen in a week

When I started this blog I just thought it would be about my life with K. All our crazy adventures. That's still true but I guess its mostly going to be about the craziest adventure we will ever have.

Last Monday night after a few days of suspicion I took a pregnancy test. I thought maybe I was pregnant on Saturday the 17th (the day I started the blog) but I took a test and it was negative. I guess that was just a little too early. The test on Monday was positive. I took a digital test on Tuesday to confirm and it was there plain as day "Pregnant."


I cried like a baby. Maybe a better term is I cried like a hormone crazed pregnant chick. That just seems too long though. I find myself crying over everything. I also have no energy. I 'knew' when we started trying to get pregnant that I would be full of hormones and I would be tired, nauseous, bloated and sore. A woman knows all of this. In theory. The reality is so different. At least for me it is. I had no idea quite how tired I would be. I have no energy to do anything. I have no appetite either but if I don't eat then I feel nauseous and want to throw up. In fact just a few minutes ago I had to stop writing and get crackers so I wouldn't puke.

This is all so new and exciting and I am willing to go through all of this for my baby. I didn't think I could love something so obscure so quickly. I will be devastated if anything were to happen to this little appleseed in me. I pray daily that this little seed sticks around and grows like a trooper. I went to the doctor and they confirmed the pregnancy but we have not done bloodwork or any type of exams yet. My EDD is March 22, 2011. I would love this baby to be born on 3/17/11. It will be the three year mark of me moving to Utah. It's also St. Patricks day and since I'm Irish I think I would get a kick out of that.

New week

Well its the start of a new week. Which means new possibilities. I'm hoping to find out about that job I interviewed for last week. Tomorrow is our standing date night. We would like to go see The Sorcerers Apprentice. It just looks so good. I love that nerdy guy too. We don't have much going on the rest of the week but this Saturday we are going to Lagoon. I'm really excited about that. K (my amazing husband) grew up in small towns and he's never been to an amusement park. He's never even been on a roller coaster. Crazy right? I can't wait to share that experience with him. We plan on eating funnel cake and amusement park food and maybe going to Lagoon a beach. I haven't been to a water park since I was 12. So needless to say I'm looking forward to that.

I'm a giraffe

I decided to start a blog. I've thought about it for years but I just never thought I was interesting enough. I didn't date a lot and my job was boring. The only thing remotely interesting were the books I was reading. I'm not the only person in the world that reads and there are many more people that were better at critiquing them than myself.

Jump forward a few years and now I have this crazy, funny, incredibly awesome man in my life. I have a little more going on. He's a giraffe too. Now I know what you are thinking. "What are you talking about? You're a giraffe? What does that even mean?" I had a job interview yesterday and one of the questions was if I could be any animal what would I be? The way I look at it, giraffes are funny, unique creatures. I would like to think of myself that way as well. So I said I was a giraffe. I also told her my husband only married me because he's a giraffe as well. He gets me. He is funny and unique and doesn't think I'm weird and annoying. He laughs with me at the stupid comedic movies and ridiculous jokes. I couldn't ask for a better man.

Now just a little bit about us. I'm 29 years old and he is 23. Its a running joke between us that I was single because I just needed to wait for my husband to grow up and this way we'll be the same age when we die because men die earlier than women. Win win in my book. K is smart and talented. He can play the guitar like nobodies business. He also pulls random facts out of thin air that no one should ever need to know. Time travel? Oh its totally possible as long as you travel close to the speed of light. But that's only into the future. You can't travel into the past. See what I mean? Useless. He wants to be a teacher. He would be perfect at it. I just want to be a stay at home mom. That may not happen for a long time but hopefully one day. I guess we have to have a kid first. We do want children. We want a lot of children. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime I work in customer service.

I hope that you will laugh with us on our crazy journey together. This is just the beginning of something good.